analogthink

Today, in class, something clicked. Everyone is getting more and more afraid, as the chaos and fear and craziness mounts. All of the sudden, I just started laughing. I think it was someone asking a question in class, wondering something about how it all fits together and he asked the question with some fear and great concern in his voice.

All of the sudden I felt myself beginning to quite enjoy the chaos. For me there is really something enjoyable about entering the chaos and being swallowed up by it. When I am just on the verge of being out of control, I am really afraid. However, once I am out of control, I can just sit back, laugh and enjoy the ride. Today this happened. Even though I am really intimidated still, something happened today.

It is a good day, and there is hope that I can actually do this thing...

Phil

So, I have determined I am a beverage snob. I know many of you love the new McDonalds iced coffee and actually think it is a good alternative to real iced coffee. Well, I am here to tell you that you are all wrong.

Yesterday I purchased a sugar-free iced coffee from McDonalds, expecting a decent quality beverage. I have to say that this coffee is not even worthy to be called coffee, particularly when it has the label of "premium" on the side, unless of course the premium is referring to some sort of petroleum content which it contains. The coffee seriously tastes like Folgers Crystals with some cheap artificial vanilla flavoring in it. Actually, that is not true, it tastes like motor oil with molasses if you are used to drinking quality coffee.

But, I admit, I am a snob, and like drinks that taste good. But if you like crappy tasting drinks, go ahead and drink it. It is more affordable, but so is urine if you like that sort of thing...

phil

p.s. class makes one cantankerous

Seriously, this might just be the hardest thing I have ever tried to do.

Some random thoughts.

My friend Jeff just tried to eat cereal every meal for two weeks straight. (incidentally, he gave up after two days, it was just too big of a challenge for him.)

Why do churches cannibalize each other for staff?

Is the iPhone really a good idea for people? Most already don't have boundaries. However, I still want one. Am I really just jealous because I don't want to pay for the dang thing?

Is there any tripel in my fridge at home?

I got a free organ the other day on my birthday, although it was unrelated to my birthday. It is a freakin' sweet one with a built in rotating speaker. It even has an aux in, which I am going to try to plug other stuff into. Imagine drums running through the envelope filter then the rotating speaker. Oh, how good it is...

I will blog again in one minute...

phil

After two days of class, I am officially spent. I am very tired. This is hard. OK, enough whining now. I thought I would give you an update in case anyone is actually reading and interested in what is going on. Many have asked what I am studying in my PhD program. Well, that is what I am figuring out in this first intensive 2 week course that goes everyday from 8:30-5 monday through friday.

My overarching topic is New Media and Technology and how this is effecting the Church/Ecclesiology. This is obviously way to broad, and so I am in the process of coming up with what they call in academia a "Central Research Issue" or "problem question". So, in about a month or so, I should have hammered out the initial direction for where I will go in the next four or five years of research.

The reason this class is so grueling is not only because it is really long, but because we keep getting our ideas torn apart and we are told to continually refine and focus them more and more, which is what we all need, but it is just a bit hard to hear, when you think you have a good idea to begin with. It is a good thing to help not build up pride however I suppose.

Anyway, all that being said, I am very excited to get some more direction and to jump into this research. I anticipate an enormous amount of work, but I also really feel that this is where I am meant to be at this point.

That is about all I can tell you right now, but I wanted to give an update to those who have asked. Thanks for all of your encouraging words lately, it is great to feel the support of so many as I enter into this endeavor.

Phil

So today, on our way back from visiting a friend who works at a place on Skid Row, I saw a SUV emblazoned with the words "F*ck Feelings" in very large words across the back window. I had to pause and think.

Who would put this on their car? Why? What type of statement is this really, and what is this really about? Is this person extremely hurt?

What is going on that someone would put this on their car?

It made me think and made me sad...

Phil

Is there really any explanation needed here?

So, my job is an interesting and rewarding but sometimes exhausting one. Today, I spoke with many people who are homeless and who need extra financial assistance just to make ends meet. It is very exhausting to try to determine who to "help" and whom not to. In some situations, it is more real help to not give them what is requested or to refer them elsewhere.

It is always interesting to see the reactions to this sort of thing. Sometimes, thankfulness results no matter what I say or what is offered. Other times, no matter what, complete belligerence and anger is present, even if I honor their request. It is not always easy to see who is telling the truth and who lies in these situations, but I am becoming better at "reading" people. I also become less intimidated in each situation.

It is very hard to know how to handle certain situations however, in which I have no answer. I can't always provide long term solutions for someone, and sometimes the referrals that I know of can't either. These are honestly difficult, especially when I feel so blessed. I go home at the end of a day, like today feeling exhausted and emotionally spent, but extremely blessed for the resources that I have been given.

Perhaps, being immersed in this sort of environment will hopefully keep me grounded and away from becoming too entrenched in the material world that I often find myself longing for...

Phil